1. Park on the left facing the wrong way

We never notice it but for American tourists, who have hard enough trouble as it is adjusting to driving on the left hand side of the road, the last thing they need to see are cars parked on the left facing them!

We don't recommend this of course but it's perhaps the most widespread complaint tourists have when trying to drive here.

2. Speak only in Irish to them

The Irish of course doesn't have to make any sense. Just blather on a few lines about your love of sweets or something and pretend not to be able to speak English.

3. Get them to play in a hurling match

'Right Enrique we want you to line out corner forward in this hurling match. Put on this helmet and grab a big stick there. Now all you have to do is catch this lump of a ball when it comes to you, and hit it with the stick towards the goals there. 

'Mind you don't get hit in the head by some other lad though!.'

4. Send them to the 'sunny southeast'

The sunny southeast? Where it only rains 364 days of the year!

5. Make fun of them

Rarely in Ireland will you hear people paying each other compliments. Instead they pretty much spend all day making fun of those dearest to them.

So if you're a tourist you shouldn't get insulted when your hosts start laughing at you, it's actually a sign that you've been accepted to the group ... Unless you're being a stand out eejit of course!

6. Confuse them with Irish slang

'C'mere to me, did it take you long to fly over from beyont?'

7. Greet them with 'Have ye any craic for me?'

No, we don't want some drugs!

8. Tell them about the documentary series called Father Ted

Yes we all have seen the riveting documentary series about life in the Irish priesthood by now? A huge eye-opener it gives great insight into the lives of three priests who live together on an island off the coast of the Galway.

Follow them as they face pressure from both the parishioners and hierarchy of clergy. We even get to witness a real life crisis when a plane they're travelling on is destined to crash.

9. When they ask for some Irish delicacies send them to Abrakababra

Home to the haute cuisine of Ireland.

10. Explain to them that Nenagh is the place where all of Europe's ambulances are built 

The world's largest emergency service vehicle manufacturing plant, I understand.

11. Give them ridiculous directions

'Well now you go on down the road and take a left, right? On then you driving until you get to a white chapel. When you get to there, turn around, you've gone too far...'

Categories: tourists, list, lost in translation